One of my most important duties is to clear the decks of sea birds. We've got all kinds hanging around the water – herons, storks, egrets and pelicans. They are noisy and messy and inevitably show up just after someone has finished scrubbing the top sides.

Most of these feathered beasts will steer clear of me once I give them the eye, but some of them are rather bold – even taunting. They think that just because they are bigger than me they don't have to worry. They don't know I'm packing some serious weapons, and I'm a highly skilled stalker.

Just the other day I spied a big kingfisher sitting on a rail, laughing at me. I focused hard on him – didn't let anything else distract my attention. I shifted my hips to get ready for just the right pounce then…